Before there was the novel, there were the stories...

by Nan Hawthorne, who also writes under Christopher Hawthorne Moss, Books and Stories b ChristopherHawthorne Moss at

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Exile: Back on Track

Well, these letters seem to fall in line with the first set, not the last one from Lorin.. This is where Lawrence gets wind of the queen's dalliance with Sir Robert and takes his rash act of murdering the guy. He is so stricken with guilt and remorse that he exiles himself for a year... hey we had to come up with reasons why they were apart and had to conduct their relationship via letters!


The Fairest Queen Josephine
Chalfont St. Giles
Affyn-Shyre Province

My Dearest Bride,

Oh, love! I have just been reading some of thy letters that spoke of Robert. I am so confused! I try not to doubt thee, to pay mind to only the words of love and hope. I try to think of how thou didst beg me to forgive thee and how thou didst implore me in a voice that wept and sobbed. And pride seizes me when I think of how thou chose me as thy lover above all the others, and that Peter is thine and mine together as well as our dear child on its way.

Oh, why did I murder him? 'Tis an insane question to ask for I know right well why I did. But then didn't I realize that this could be the only thing that could stop thy love? Nay, no infidelity on my part, new young man nor careless word could ever truly make thee stop loving me, this I realize and thank God for. But this cruel act of hate could, or so I worry. This unforgivable injustice to thee, my own true love and chosen bride. Now I realize event the separations wouldn't have seemed so bad if I hadn't been so stupidly doubtful of something more steadfast than anyone could even endeavor to imagine.

Never die, my goddess, for with thee dies all truth, justice, beauty, and purity. I truly hope that through mine words thou canst sense my passion for thee, for if thou canst not and my words are in vain, I must surely perish. Oh, pray tell me how I can prove my love for thee and oh most of all forgive a sinner whose soul and spirit have already died and gone to Hell! Tell me the words I should say to thee to make thee forgive me and love me again.

"Tis nay long, in fact I'll wager anytime my child might be born. Whether 'tis Caithness Josephine or Marc Hugh in me looks will be almost complete, thou' I'll confess of I have hopes on one sex rather than the other! Since Peter was a month early I expect the child also shalt be. I hope he is not giving thee great pain as Peter did, for I might surely die knowing that I was the cause.

I am praying that we may forgive and forget and write in happy tense again. I must remain banished for a year or less as punishment, but trust me, my bride, I will not so much as look as a wench favorably, and I will remain true to thee all my life. Every evil and lusty thought that crosses my mind I will tell thee of and pray to the Almighty I might be forgiven for, by thee as well as by Him.

Oh, as soon as thou canst write to me. Send it via Alain, my messenger I have sent to thee. Do ask me questions, for I love to answer them.

All My Love For My Bride,


Read Psalm 6: 1-6

This is in the original letter. I seemed to have adopted Christianity for a while. The verses are, "1 LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. 2 Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony. 3 My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long? 4 Turn, LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. 5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name. Who praises you from the grave? 6 I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears." In other words, "If you let me die, you will never hear from me again!" Apparently Lawrence was as irked as David was.

July 3, 767

Trelane, Radnorshire

My dearest,

Yea, and so am I overjoyed to hear from thee. It was such a long, torturous time when thou didst not write. I then felt so sure that the world was at its end.

I do so sorrow that I have exiled myself, but thou canst not imagine the pain I felt when I saw him die. It is very cruel ,to tell thee of all people, but it has been held in me so long, so, so long. Even tho I knew thou wouldst not hate me for what I did, I knew if I faced thee, the guilt would surge through me, and I would kill myself for grief I had caused for thee. And now honor holds me to my vow. I would leave now caring not for the personal dishonor, but that I have a responsibility for my subjects. My return would bring dishonor to them as well as myself. And if I were to dishonor myself more than I am dishonored already, think of the dishonor that would be brought to thee and the children.

Do not say it Is my will to be away from thee - my will is to return to thee and take thee away to someplace where we would be alone, completely. Do not say I punish thee for it nigh to drives me insane to feel that I am and 'tis thoughts like that that bring me to drink.

Nay, it is not true that Christenlande suffers at my absence. She has a better ruler at her throne now.

My darling thy words have reached out and steadied me so that 1 reached the solid ground safely. The words thou didst so labor to find were said to me about five years ago, "I love thee… I am safe and oh so content...”

‘Twas the hardest blow I'd e'er received in my life to hear of what should have let remain unsaid. Aye, on what part it was unforgivable, but most joyously thou art forgiven by me. Rather than hold it against thee I would cast myself to the Devil. If there was anything to forgive it is forgiven and somewhat forgotten,

Do not praise me for such scum as I am; is not fit to be held so high in the eyes of an angel amongst mortals.

We are a queer couple, We both seem to despise ourselves yet -we love each other with a. frightening Intensity of truth. If we were to trade bodies, we would be the vainest people on Earth. But I don't think I could take such Heaven.

Nay, do not blame thyself. Let us put the blame on someone else entirely! Who is to blame, he, who advised me to remain In Christenlande. If I had been with thee, Robert would have been just another knight.

'Tis glad I am to know I have not left thee unsatisfied. I would like to tell thee, if it will please thee, that I am overblessed by God at having not only the most beautiful, wisest and purest wife, but one who satisfies my needs to the utmost. How could I want another? I could not be satisfied by another after having tasted of perfection.

Oh, do not speak so as a thrall. Thou kept saying in thy letter, "it's not my place to" and "it is thy will." Nay, nay! Thou art a queen! For my sake do not speak so. Many men want wives who bow down to them but it would make me feel like a. slave merchant.
Oh, my Sunshine! I will remain faithful to thee as long as I am thy love, and longer, if it is my place to vow that, I must tell thee of Shannon O'Neill's strange philosophy. He says though I know well that he does not live by it, "As long as ye art emotionally in love with only the wife, and it matters not who ye sleeps with."

Love, I do not ask if thou dost doubt me, but if thou canst doubt me.

I will drink no -more unless I feel the absolute need to. I would not make myself undesirable to thee.

My fate is no longer in thy hands. Since thou dost love me, I will live long and happily!

I have every reason to be happy, I have rank, and almost unlimited power; I am loved by a celestial being, who I love -.with all my heart; I have better friends than a king can normally so much as hope for and I am the father of the two most wonderful children on Earth. Yea, I am content. I wish thou were as happy as I, which is more than I deserve,

Lay aside thy burdens. Cast them on me or Lorin, but give thy concern to enjoyment. Be gay and while I am away, spend time with merriment. I would like to ;find out if I have not ruined thy gift.

I know a way for thee to help me become stronger to resist temptation. In the following letters I will no doubt be mentioning young ladies. I ask thee only to tell me the name of, and what I said about each.

My love, but once have I been untrue to thee. I will not say Robert's, name again for thou hast been so merciful as to never mention Aelf-lynn's.


I didn't explain Aelf-lynn before. She was originally an enchantress who first managed to tempt Lawrence away and then get murdered.. he never knows if they had sex or if he was the one who murdered her. You will find Aelflynn in the novel.. a rather Goth-like herbalist who heals rather than spirits Lawrence away.

Tomorrow, a surprise! A letter from Josephine!

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About the author

Nan Hawthorne now writes under the name Christopher Hawthorne Moss. You can contact Christopher at .